Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
