I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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