I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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