i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
