your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
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You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
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Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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