My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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