well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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