put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
