went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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