is your mom at the bar?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
