so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You left your phone here
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