Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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