Joe is yelling at the trees again.
where am i from again
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
