Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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