lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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