i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
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Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just realized u compared me to a coconut