Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
