I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
