Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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