Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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