so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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