weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
