ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize