the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
