I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
