I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
