There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
