she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is it because I queefed?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
