Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
