is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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