Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
we should paint friendship bongs
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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