I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
