Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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