remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
