I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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