hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
