What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
