...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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