hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
