Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
