OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
