I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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