Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
