All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
