if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
