I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
