Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
