Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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