You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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