you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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