hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my shit smells like andre
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
