he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
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Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?