In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.