The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.