this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
