honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
