She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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