for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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