What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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