That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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