there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
