When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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