I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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