He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
