Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
