Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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