whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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